It’s been nearly 8 months since I completed my Holistic Health Practitioner program at the International Professional School of Bodywork in San Diego. Now it’s less than a week until I officially graduate. I was not ever planning to attend the graduation ceremony. I was content just knowing I had completed the program. But then I received an email, a request to speak on behalf of the HHP graduating class. My first thought was no way! Not only do I not want to go to the ceremony but the last thing I want to do is stand in front of everyone, in the spotlight, and speak for 4 minutes. Not my cup of tea. At all.
Needless to say, I accepted. I can’t ignore the fact that this is a wonderful opportunity for me to face my fears. I am well aware of the fact that I don’t like to be the center of attention. I don’t like to be the one who’s talking while everyone is listening. I prefer to be silent and invisible. Public speaking is something I avoid like the plague. It terrifies me.
But I said yes. I said yes even though I wanted to say no. I said yes because I know I will grow.
This last week, off and on, I’ve been working on my speech. I’ve been remembering my experience during the two and a half years I went to school at IPSB and I’m realizing that I am a completely different person today than I was when I first walked through the doors nearly 3 years ago. I look different, I feel different, I communicate differently, I breathe different. I am a new being. Even thought I’m in the same physical body it has transformed in enormous and fantastic ways!
I am amazed at my own progress. And I am aware of some things that have not changed so much. Here I am, sitting at my favorite cafe with my laptop and my mexican mocha, ready to complete my speech. But, wait, I’m writing a blog post? Yes. This is called procrastination. I am very good at it.
So why has this not changed? Because I work well under pressure? I’m not really sure. I’ve always been this way. I remember starting big projects (as early as 2nd and 3rd grade) the night before they were due. I would get super stressed out and freak out to my parents. Then I would find a starting point (usually with the help of my mom who was appalled that I had waited until the last minute, again!) as this is the hardest part for me. Give me an outline and I have a much easier time. Throw me an idea or concept and I’ll stress about it for weeks!
Once I got started, though, I’d push through. I’d stay up until the early morning hours, until I could hardly keep my eyes open writing, drawing, cutting and pasting. And the amazing thing is that I’d go to school the next day with a fabulous project. I’d get an A and the teacher would praise me or use my project as an example for the rest of the students to see. And I would be half asleep wondering why the heck I couldn’t manage my time and energy better.
My life at IPSB wasn’t any different. I remember starting my business plan for Department of Success a couple of days before it was due (don’t tell Shari!). And, again, it turned out great. I missed a quarter of a point on the whole project. Oops.
So is this procrastination a problem? I guess not. But I’m trying really hard to procrastinate less and prepare myself sooner. Mostly just to avoid the stress I experience the night before the due date. So although I’m doing a really good job of procrastinating right now I think I’ll get back to this speech. My goal : have speech completed by Thursday.